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Well, this week’s adventure was kind of a bust. We left early Friday, only to find out our agent wasn’t available until 1:00, and then didn’t quite find the first property because we didn’t hear the exact location until after we’d left the area. We were close, and what we saw was nice, but . . .

The second one was way up on a mountain, or at least, was passes for one around here. My ears popped, so I guess that counts? Anyway, the brush was so heavy that we couldn’t even see if the land dropped off a cliff or was flat-ish.

We never found the third one, and there was literally NO INTERNET OR PHONE ACCESS off that state highway. The directions we had said “about a mile down the road,” but later, after we got back to the actual highway, we were told it was “3-5 minutes” down that road. Sheesh.

So here’s my open letter to realtors:

Dear Realtors,

I have a few gripes with you, the collective you—some of you, certainly, do a great job, but others, not so much. So if the latter applies, please, do continue reading.

When you post pictures of property on realtor.com, keep in mind what your customers may like to actually see. Ten pictures of trees or the view are not good; 2-3 will suffice. Ditto for the road frontage. For heaven’s sake, if you’re selling property out in the middle of nowhere, get out of your car for a few minutes and walk around. Show pictures of any buildings, interior and exterior; show pictures of any live water present; show pictures of the plat, the survey, and most of all, THE FLIPPIN’ LOCATION.

Be truthful, at least as much as sales allow. Some property, you just can’t spin it to sell. But if folks are driving a couple hours to see something, surprises aren’t good. At all.

Let’s talk about terminology. Flat is flat, of course, but “gently rolling” doesn’t mean rock ridges and cliffs. It doesn’t mean a steep decline and acreage full of ravines. It just doesn’t.

Signage is important. YOU may be able to drive directly to a piece of property, but unless you’re going to get off your butt and meet us out there, you need to be able to give EXACT directions. And by the way, put it in your listing—we’d all like to have some idea of where we’re going before we leave. We’d like to, say, know what else is in the area before we make the drive. Like a junkyard. Or a prison. Whatever.

A piece of orange tape tied around a tree six months ago is NOT a good indicator.

And finally, this is 2014, and we all use technology. A lot. This means that you, too, much embrace it. Have a navigable website. Be able to email jpg photos or pdfs or whatever so we can HAVE INFORMATION. Don’t take a picture with a cell phone and send me the same damn tiny, useless picture of a plat that’s on the listing. Oh, and answer your phone—I’ll bet it’s really hard to sell anything if you can’t be reached.

Oh, wait—one more. If you list a property in, say, March, and haven’t updated anything at all in the last six months, you might just want to actually drive out to the property and 1) update photos and info and 2) check your sign. Make sure the property is STILL marked because, you know, we have things like wind and rain and stuff. Just sayin’.

As far as this week’s search was concerned, it seems that no listing agents could return our agent’s calls on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, even though they knew we were going to be in the area on Friday. So, yeah, wasted time, wasted gas. Kinda ticks me off.

But the worst, by far, was a trip out to Bourbon, Missouri a couple months ago.

The 21 photos included one of the well pipe sticking up, one of the electric meter, one of the dusk-to-dawn light, one of the street sign; also included was a sign to a resort five miles away, a stream that was actually located three miles away, a picture of a “river access” sign.

The description said an old mobile home had been removed. Most of it was gone, but not all. The description also said things like “gently rolling,” which I assume means “deep ravines;” “level,” and it was, on the road and about 20 feet through the gate; “stocked pond” and “10 acres pasture” which was actually on the neighbor’s property.

I’m in sales. I understand spin. But this was flat-out dishonest, and written by someone with whom I will NEVER do business. Ever. So, realtors, keep in mind what you’re doing to your livelihood. Remember your customers—who pays your commission?

Last week, I talked about what you should look for in the context of bugging out; where and how and why. If you’ve done your homework, and scouted out locations and routes, you can be fairly confident that where you end up will actually be the right place.

If, however, you’re searching for a spot now for a future, unknown eventuality, what do you need to look for?

You need to decide, early on in the process, what use you’re going to make of the land you eventually purchase. For instance, we want a lot of trees that will protect us from the weather, from prying eyes and possibly intrusion (physical and auditory), with some open areas for gardening and pasture. We’ll grow most of what we need and hunt and trade for other things.

For power, we’ll go on-grid if that’s possible, off-grid if it’s not; we want live water, and we’ll drill a well and add septic. So far, so good. And of course, we also need to be able to get to it, and maybe quickly.

Yesterday, I talked to someone who had been worried about providing everything for her family. They raise chickens and her husband hunts; they have a small garden, but not big enough to grow everything they’ll need.

And then a light came on.

She was at a church function one day; the congregation includes several farmers who had brought produce to share. They were able to trade meat for vegetables!

So, you see, you don’t have to do it all—focus on your strengths and find a good community or prep group, or local sources, for the things you can’t produce yourself.

For me, I don’t really like game, and I’m not entire sure I could eat something that I kill. I have no problem eating something that SOMEONE ELSE kills . . . And I don’t do chickens. Ick. Nasty things. So we’ll trade for eggs too. My husband is on his own if he wants fried chicken!

But I can grow things, and cook and bake. Of course, many things, everyday items and those you make, can be traded too and can also provide a little income, most likely before SHTF.

Again, the better prepared you are, the better off you’ll be, whether it’s SHTF or a natural disaster or even just a tough winter or slow growing season. There are all kinds of possibilities, but you have to know your strengths and your weaknesses and be willing, sometimes, to compromise.