RHP « Robin Writes

I’m going to start right off with a bang:

Things To Do When Querying a Publisher

Pay attention to dates. If a publisher is NOT accepting submissions, your ms might go directly into the “no” file.

Follow directions. If those directions say to send as an attachment, do so. If the directions say “NO HEADERS,” go with that. If you can’t read directions, your ms is going into that “no” file.

Likewise, if the submissions page says the publisher only accepts mss of 70K words or more, don’t send your novella or anything else that has fewer words. I don’t mean five fewer, or even 500. Don’t send a ms that is 50K, or it goes into the same file as the ones above.

Don’t send ONLY the ms. How is the publisher supposed to know what the book is about? Read the whole thing? You’re kidding, right? Most small presses have one or two or maybe a couple more people read submissions; besides that, they’re doing a lot of other things as well. There is simply NO TIME for something like this.

Don’t keep emailing and asking about your ms. Sure, you can check with the publisher if a month or so has passed, but once is enough. Many small presses simply don’t respond if the ms isn’t right for them—like literary agents. Sure, it’s not very polite, and authors complain all the time, and I even agree with them. Unless I’m the one who’s supposed to respond. There aren’t enough hours in the day.

Know your terminology. Don’t tell a publisher you want them to “represent” your work; publishers aren’t agents, we publish. Period.

Don’t send a fancy cover letter. Don’t tell me you’ve “perused” my website and have “aspirations.” Nothing screams 1) ESL or 2) I compulsively use dictionary.com quite like trying to sound intelligent. And failing. Especially when words such as these are used incorrectly. I’m looking for a book in which I don’t have to make corrections within every single sentence.

Don’t tell me you’re submitting on someone’s “behave.” Error aside—and not typos, I can tell the difference—if you have an agent who’s not performing up to your standards, it could be due to your book—it might stink. Or your judgment is off base. Or, of course, you’re getting screwed, in which case just find another agent.

NOTE: not everyone who “says” he’s an agent actually is one. Ditto for a “publicist.”

I have, ahem, over 100 submissions sitting in my file. At least half of those will be rejected automatically because of some of these things—or all of these things. Sometimes, though, rejections have to do with timing. If I receive ten children’s books, I’m obviously not going to accept all ten. Your book might be really good, but there might be two that are better . . .

NOTE: do not continue to resubmit if you haven’t received a response. There’s a reason. It might be the time element (mine), or the timing, or you think you didn’t follow directions the first time, or you’re wondering if I actually received it. I probably did. Email doesn’t get lost very often.

There you have it. Follow directions, make sure your ms is “clean,” and tell a good story. And be patient. With large publishers, it can take years before a book is released. Cut small press a little slack on the response time, and don’t be afraid to follow-up. Once. 🙂

Dear Mr. Patterson:

I’ve had about enough of you. I used to be a fan. I suppose someday I’ll re-read many of your books, but right now I’m just a little pissy.

First, I found out that you don’t actually WRITE most of “your” books, yet you rake in millions of dollars a year. That’s kind of a slap in the face to almost every other author, isn’t it?

Is that why you feel the need to comment on the book industry and stick your face into every book or publishing controversy? Do you think anyone cares what you think? What makes you qualified—reminds me of celebrities running off at the mouth about politics; they believe everyone should listen to them for some obscure reason.

Second, last year when all the hoopla was about you personally donating to struggling bookstores, I signed up for “updates” and even threw our bookstore into the ring.

Crickets.

Yep, that’s what I got. No updates, no responses—not even to a message I sent you, essentially agreeing with your full-page ad. Oh, and no grant. Had to close OUR bookstore, one of the ones you’re so concerned about.

And now this. Your publisher is having a slap-fight with Amazon and so you speak up yet again.

According to the USA Today article that I just read, you said “the future of our literature is in danger.” Then you added that “Amazon wants to control book buying, book selling and even book publishing,” and you mentioned a monopoly.

Well, bless your heart—where have you been? Of course Amazon wants a monopoly! That’s old news, just ask a bookseller. I just can’t help thinking you might have stayed quiet on the publishing part, except it involves Hachette.

But guess what? Amazon does stuff like this to a lot of publishers—particularly small press. Heck, just last week they listed one of RHP’s books as “children, ages 0-17.” It was a murder mystery. With sex and violence. Ha.

Sometimes it takes a week or more to have our books listed on Amazon. Often the cover pics are missing for days. We don’t usually get to put our books up there for pre-orders, and even when our books ARE available, Amazon adds things like “only one copy remaining” and “will take two weeks to ship.”

Sound familiar?

Now, let’s talk about your comment about “the future of our literature.” My, doesn’t that sound elitist? Do you write “literature?” I must have missed that one. I guess you meant reading material, specifically books, right? I mean, well . . . never mind. That’s not my point.

What I THINK you meant is that big authors and publishers are in danger from the [gasp] Amazon monopoly, and that their sales will suffer. Of course, you may also have meant that there will be a dearth of quality reading material for consumers, if Amazon is allowed to continue on its merry way.

Let me tell you something, Mr. Patterson: NOT ALL GOOD BOOKS COME FROM NEW YORK. There are a lot of small press, and yes, indie and self-published authors who can tell a good story. Their books might be the high-gloss, widely marketing, absolutely perfect copy that you and your minions churn out, but readers can forgive some of that if the story is good.

Not everyone gets lucky, like you did—there, I said it. Luck. Like getting a job without experience, authors can’t often get a top-notch agent without having a considerable track record. I have no doubt, in the beginning, you worked your tail off—but I know a hundred authors who work just as hard as you did and probably write just as well, if not better.

Maybe you should mingle with the common folk for a bit. In fact, come on out to St. Louis and I’ll introduce you around to all the talented folks here that yes, DEPEND on Amazon to get their work in front of an audience.

But fair warning, I’m still ticked off about the bookstore grants . . .