Ah, the dreaded writers’ block has taken over and for once I may have absolutely nothing to say. On the other hand, surely I can come up with something, yes? Actually, I put out the call for subject matter and so I do have two things to address – which may or may not make any sense whatsoever, and which may lead to other things as well. And which, of course, are completely unrelated.

Let’s tackle the DIY versus calling a paid professional.

Everyone should probably know how to do basic home repairs, such as fixing a leaky faucet, a running toilet, a clogged, um, dishwasher, and so forth. It’s not too hard; you can tinker around a bit without seriously impairing the appliance even more. Usually. I’ve been know, long ago, to take things apart and have no earthly idea how to put them back together again. Fortunately, I’ve also known several people who could come to the rescue.

I enjoy doing these types of things; whether or not I have an aptitude for them remains to be seen. When I was about eight years old, I took apart the doorknob to my grandma’s basement door – it wasn’t locking properly, and it still doesn’t to this day. Next, I took apart the doorknob to the breezeway – this venture was successful.

Over the years, I’ve changed the oil in my car, fixed a few more doors and doorknobs, replaced the innards on a couple toilets, changed washers in faucets, all those sorts of things. Now I’d rather not, just because my husband can and will do those things; but sometimes I have to wait a while.

I believe I’ve saved quite a bit of money going this route – I have never had to pay a plumber, or an electrician. And my husband and I have an arrangement regarding home improvement: I have the ideas and he does the work. It’s not that I can’t, or that I stand around useless while he works. I do, however, stand around while he “thinks”. It drives me nuts. So I plan, he implements. We started with wallpaper and a kitchen addition, and have moved on to tile, laminate, new doorways and, of course, landscaping. Saved another fortune (though why we’re always broke, I sure don’t know!).

My rule of thumb is this: have the tools, know how to use them, develop a basic understanding of appliance, machinery, what-have-you, and try it yourself. If it doesn’t work, call someone – husband, dad, or friend; if your whatchamacallit is still out-of-order, it’s time for a professional. Why pay someone to do something you can do yourself? I’ve asked this question regarding things like accounting, taxes, and house cleaning; seems pretty simple.

Of course, there are times when you just don’t want to do something yourself. So call someone. It’s not a failure, it certainly doesn’t mean you’re lazy; you may just not want to go to the trouble. But it will cost. Oh, and if you don’t have a clue as to what you’re doing – again, call someone. Let’s say you want a new doorway into the dining room. You have no idea if there are wires inside the wall, or if it’s load-bearing; you could conceivably cause a lot of damage and the payout will be far more than if you’d initially called a professional. Before you dig in to any type of project, try to imagine the worst that could happen; then decide if the cost is worth it.

Well, that was pretty disjointed and rambling, yes? The next topic is writing about nothing. That’s correct, writing about nothing. Today’s blog just may be a good example of that!

Sometimes when I sit down to write, I just want to write – that’s it, no big secret. Sometimes stuff just comes to me, sometimes I’m inspired by an incident during the day or am just feeling very strongly about a particular topic; sometimes I look to outside sources, like politics, a news story, or an issue a friend is having.

Then there are days like this. Days in which I have no particular interest in mind, days in which I can’t focus (not many of those, thank heavens!), days in which I’m just tired or in physical pain and can’t seem to get in gear – those aren’t very frequent either.

Sometimes we all have to give ourselves permission to let go, be and do and think absolutely nothing; sometimes we all have to take the time to get our act together or our heads on straight or any other colloquialism that comes to mind.

Everyone has days like that. So just let go, go with the flow, and try not to litter your conversation (or blog) with too many clichés; it seems to just make your head spin a bit more. If you try to force yourself to be productive or compliant or energetic – it just makes things worse, or so it seems. So take a deep breath, move on to something else, and start over again later, or the next day. Things work out, one way or another; they always do.

…and gag, as Erma Bombeck once said.

How do you know when to cut people loose? When do you know it’s time, for your own health and sanity, to stop communicating with a family member (or friend)? What is the best way to go about doing this?

Whether you’re having issues with a friend or family member, there comes a time in the lives of most people when they’d rather not continue a relationship. There could be many reasons: lack of commonalities or differing interests; lies and untruths and misconceptions or misperceptions; or even a time and place where communication simply needs to be cut back, or ended completely, just to preserve the peace.

Having written about familial issues during the past week, I’m sure you can see where this is going. Quite frankly, I’m tired of being the filling in the generational sandwich. Time to move on, and let the bread do whatever it wishes. Yeah, I know – bad analogy, but it’s the best I’ve got on short notice!

I cannot cut off my son; he’s mine, and I love him. Besides, he’s a minor in the eyes of the law, even though he towers over me, and I do very much want to see him improve his life, his chances, and make something of himself.

So I try to do what any conscientious parent does: make HIM responsible for his choices, try to make him see what the consequences of his actions really mean; show him that I am completely serious and that HE must make of his life what he will. He’s old enough now, and we’ve covered the basics with him since the beginning so he should be well-grounded; and so he should have all the tools at his disposal to become productive and accountable to himself, and to the rest of the world. There isn’t a lot more we, as parents, can do.

As for the other piece of bread, I’ve already taken some difficult steps in that direction; or, you could say that I’ve already removed the crust, but the rest of it should probably be thrown out as well.

Seriously, though, what do you do with a grandparent who so obviously favors one grandchild over another? One who not only speaks her own opinions and thoughts regarding your decisions but does so to your children, and who makes negative comments to others about you that are completely out of context with the conversation? And especially, one who claims to remember things that never occurred, or actually fabricates stories and claims they are the truth?

Honestly, not much. I stopped calling a long time ago; I stopped emailing several months past, although I’ve been answering hers – mostly just responding briefly to questions she asks.

I’ve been very hurt, and very shocked, and even completely crushed by her stories and gossiping – because that is, after all, what she’s doing. Now, I don’t know many of her friends, have never met most, but the damage is not in them hearing her tales, but to me in hearing of them myself. It doesn’t really matter how I know or when I hear these things, they hurt just the same. This is, after all, my mother, who gave me life and was supposed to nurture and protect me – even now, as an adult, I always thought she’d be on my side and support me.

While thinking about all this the past few days, I’ve come to realize that there is not a single thing I can actually do except stop all communication, and end the relationship itself. There isn’t much left, as I’ve spent the last year or so trying to make her see the truth of my son’s issues and problems and all she’s done is believe him and denigrate, discuss, and “diagnose” me.

I can’t make her stop talking about me, but I can stop listening to reports; I can’t make her treat her grandchildren equally, but I can prevent my younger two from any contact with her. I can’t even change her recollection of history – I tried.

Some months ago, nearly a year actually, I wrote her a lengthy letter. I told her about my feelings, and I tried to get her to see the truth. She wrote back one sentence, which indicated that I was in error and that she was correct in her words, actions, and perceptions. You see, it doesn’t really matter what I say because she twists everything to fit her version of reality. And as any thinking person knows, there is reality, and there is one’s perception of such – that perception does not make it true.

And it really makes me wonder what else she’s said over the years that were not truthful or accurate; I know of several things, but probably not all of them.

So my original questions still stand: when do you know it’s time, and how do you cut a toxic person out of your life and move on? The answer, for me, is right now, by stopping all communication. Will I be successful? I don’t know. But I’m starting, today, right now.

Funny, actually: if she ever reads this, I’m sure it will be the talk of her circle, of course with her added commentary. But I won’t know about it. And I’m trying hard not to care. That’s the most difficult part.