There is so obviously nothing left for me to do, except wait and worry. In the last couple of years, we’ve dealt with four counselors, a psychiatrist, a family therapist, a psychologist, numerous medical staff, office staff, a DJO and her supervisor and attorney, our attorney, two investigators, a couple of caseworkers, foster parents, at least half the local police department, another police department, the crisis intervention team and, believe it or not, the list goes on….
First, my son had behavioral issues; I repeatedly said that it must be deeper than that, more serious than that – after all, behavior can be changed, yes? Well, sometimes.
And then “they” decided it must surely be our fault as parents. Why? Well, our son can be very good – and by that I mean he CAN be respectful, appear truthful, be very charming and talk his way into or out of almost anything. At first. If, however, one looks at the patterns, and is reasonably intelligent, one can certainly see through all the BS. To be fair, some people take longer than others to reach this conclusion, but again, note the use of the word above: intelligent.
Seems to me that almost of all of those included in the word “they” should have dealt with kids like this before – I’m quite certain that our son is not the only one in the system who has these issues. Seems like they should listen to parents, actually hear what they have to say, and not assume that we’re all a bunch of hysterical, backwoods, uneducated, mentally unbalanced child abusers.
It’s that liberal, save the innocent child mentality – that “everything is hearts and rainbows and teddy bears” and “we MUST protect the CHILD” load of bullshit that permeates the state bureaucracy. “If only we could all just GET ALONG with each other.”
The problem is that everyone cannot get along with each other; it’s a two-way street, and there must be cooperation. If that’s missing, for whatever reason, it can’t be done. Period.
And the lack of cooperation can be due to many things, including personalities and parenting styles, true – but often the reasons go beyond the surface, as in the case of mental disorders. If I wasn’t so annoyed, I could almost have laughed at their constant insistence that *I* have a psych evaluation done. Instead, they informed me that my son was just fine and there was “nothing” wrong with him.
Now they know they were wrong. Very wrong.
So what is their solution? Well, they really don’t have one. The court won’t issue a warrant for him breaking probation; never have, apparently that’s out of the question. Why, I’m not sure – generally, if a judge orders one to comply with certain things, they had better do so or face the consequences. Either my son is special and deserves no consequences, or NONE of these kids ever have to pay the piper. Which, of course, is the issue: parents can’t control them, and the court chooses not to, so the kids learn a very important lesson.
If they don’t wanna, they don’t have to…do a blasted thing.
The doctor doesn’t appear to want to treat my son. Now, granted, it’s much easier to treat someone who is willing to come to appointments, but if a person is in need of treatment but doesn’t believe that he has an actual need, wouldn’t a doctor see to it that the person received care? I mean, all I ever hear from the state is that my son is a MINOR and MUST be cared for.
Of course, now the state is seeing the light as well: they aren’t doing anything either. Yes, it’s a relief. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what we’d do if our son was forced, by them, to come home. But for all their talk about “children”, they won’t step in to help him either.
And all those other people? The ones who insisted he was “fine”? They’ve all disappeared. No apologies, no “oops” we made a mistake, no nothing. Again, in their respective lines of work, you’d think they would have encountered one or two kids like this, right? Apparently not. Conclusion: they’re either embarrassed or they just don’t care.
And see, here’s the kicker: if they’d all DONE THEIR JOBS from the beginning, my son would have received treatment at least a year ago. Now they all want to wash their hands of the whole mess, and who is left holding the bag? We are, the people who begged for help. And my son. My poor boy, who didn’t ask to be like this, but who is now going to be set loose and likely never recover.
There’s nothing left for me to do. I’ve called and begged and pleaded and asked and written – no response, or no help. He’s out there, somewhere, doing whatever….
Robin Writes 