Yes, I’m titling this one “Douche-bag”. Get over it.


Today’s lesson, boys and girls, is about how to be a douche-bag to the students who pay your salary.
I have taken out loans to pay my school, which pays the salary of a certain dean – we’ll call him Mr. Dean, for purposes of name-changing; can’t use an old standby because, well, that’s his actual name. If you’re wondering what school this is, you can look it up on my profile if you’re so inclined. I was having a pretty great experience here until now, and it’s not even because he told me “no”.

Over a month ago, I applied for a waiver to skip college algebra. Having been told it was unlikely, and in fact had never happened in anyone’s memory, was no deterrent. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? So I filled out all the forms and gave a lot thought to the “comments” section, signed it all and emailed it to my advisor.

I waited a few days, and emailed again and asked if he’d received it and he said yes. In fact, this was on February 16, one day after I’d sent it, and he told me that he’d reviewed it with his director and that it would be sent to the evaluations department. He did warn me that it could take 2-10 weeks; odd timeframe, but okay, whatever.

Two days ago, almost a month since I sent the request, I called the evaluations department. The gal who answered the phone said that they normally only have it for a day or two, then it’s sent – in my case – to Mr. Dean. I mentioned that the session starts Monday, in just a few days, and that if it wasn’t approved I would have to hurry to drop a class, sign up for math, and order books. Already, I was going to get a late start.

So this afternoon, still having heard nothing, I emailed Mr. Dean. His reply:

“I don’t believe I received your appeal. I can act on it now, however. The MATH 150 requirement is not waived. If you have a documented disability we will accommodate you in MATH 150 to the extent required by law.”

Well then.

Blink.

What?

Now, I know all you math people will say, “But of course you NEED math!” We’re just going to have to disagree – I don’t NEED college algebra in fact, I’ve gotten along quite well without it for 47 years and, furthermore, I can’t do it. Besides which, I’ve taken plenty of classes which involve critical thinking – another pro-math position – and I have a 3.8 GPA. Still doesn’t mean I can either do, or need, more math.

Anyway, the point is that the college requires a three-page form to be filled out, I put a bit of work into that, and then they tell me there’s up to a two month wait for a decision. The decision that Mr. Dean simply snapped out, without even seeing the form, or reading my reasons or anything else.

Hence, the opening reference to douche-bag. I could also say that he addressed me by my first name, not as a professional adult, and is therefore likely under the impression that I’m a flighty 18-year-old freshman. But maybe not. And that might be petty for me to mention. Might be.

So today I got a packet in the mail


So today I got a packet in the mail, addressed to me, and on the envelope it said “You have been invited to attend….”  I opened it, suspecting right off the bat that it was some kind of scam, and this is what I read in the accompanying letter:

“Dear Ms. Tidwell,

It is our great pleasure to invite your child….”

Wait, my CHILD?  But it said I was invited – and it was addressed to me.  Oh – and which “child” were they talking about anyway?  So I kept reading.

“…college-bound students….”  Hmm.  Likely the seventeen-year-old, since he’s closest in age to “college-bound”.  Of course, he dropped out of college a year or so ago.

“Your child will earn up to 2 College Credits (sic)….”  And “…if you enroll on or prior to November 20, 2010, your child will receive a FREE COLLEGE CREDIT!”  Really?  I thought those had to be earned?  Hey, maybe if *I* go, I can get a few credits towards that blanket-blank algebra class!  Cool!

I still don’t know which child this is about, so I go back to the top and start reading again.

Okay, it sure can’t be the seventeen-year-old.  The letter says: “Their (sic) selection is in recognition of their academic achievement, involvement in extracurricular activities and unlimited potential.”

Um, does “academic achievement” mean a GPA probably below 2.5, tops, and expulsion?  Does “involvement in extracurricular activities” include vandalism and violence?  Maybe “unlimited potential” means that he’ll graduate from a juvenile record to an adult one?  ‘Tis perplexing.

This just gets better:

The cost ranges from $1600 to $3000.  Wow.  What an opportunity!  I can buy my kid some college for around $1000 per credit hour!  Woohoo!

But back to the envelope itself:

“Your certificate of recognition is enclosed.”  Oh, goody!  NOW I’ll know which child we’re talking about!

I look through the mess on my desk – yep, here it is!

“Child of Robin Tidwell”

Oh.  Bummer.  Guess that one won’t go in anyone’s scrapbook!