Writing « Robin Writes

So, you’re a writer. Or an author. That means you do the putting words into sentences thingy and stringing those sentences into some sort of cohesive product. Yes, I read that previous sentence somewhere, once upon a time, and I borrowed it – with a little editing.

All of that means you should have basic writing skills. You should know how to spell nearly all words, or be able to look them up in a dictionary; you should know, at least approximately, where to put commas. You know, simple things.

Failing that, pick another line of work.

Too harsh? Let me show you some examples I’ve received via email or read in some self-published books or just online in general:

“I didn’t know that !” [um, a space before punctuation?]

“I’m anxious to here what you have to say about my book.” [watch your word usage]

“I’ll be interviewing author, John Smith.” [no, you’ll be interviewing author John Smith]

“Here’s an excerpt from an Author, and his Publisher says this is a great book.” [capitalize much?]

C’mon folks, these are basic sentences, nothing complicated at all. These things are taught in grade school. If you haven’t mastered spacing, homophones, commas, and capitalization, what makes you think you’re a writer? Or have a book worth reading?

Take a class, pick up a book, or for heaven’s sake, Google it! The sad thing is this – these are not “typos,” these things tell me that you have no clue what you’re doing.

So why would anyone want to read your work?

Sure, people make mistakes – you might even find some here. But not hear. And yes, there are such things as typos, wherein one accidentally types the wrong word or misspells something. If you’re prone to making errors such as those highlighted above, please, please at least pretend that you DON’T know what you’re doing and double-check everything. Please. You’re making people’s eyes hurt.

There are always a lot of comments floating around about spam email, and even spam comments – especially for those of us who blog. Some, of course, are patently ridiculous, such as the so-called Nigerian scams, and no thinking person would fall for those promises. Obviously some do, since the spammers keep at it, but notice I used the qualifier “thinking.”

Let’s analyze a few recent spam comments from my blog:

“underwear-less crowd. I do like the taupe color louis vuitton hlouis vuitton handbags replicabags replica the clasp is interesting, I just wish it was slightly larger…”

(From Alison’s Journal)

This one SO has nothing to do with Alison or her journal, or really anything else at all – I mean, I understand the use of SEO, and I suppose that the beginning of this… sentence… is, um, attention-grabbing? Hmmm.

“Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks”

(From Interview with Bart Baker)

Now, this one is a bit more interesting, especially as it relates to the post to which it was attached. First, the “writer” “believes” what I said. Or what Bart said. Hard to tell.

“My reason” (or his?) is easy to be aware of? Huh? That doesn’t count the poor English, of course. Reason?

The next sentence, involving “worries people don’t know about” is perplexing. I totally wanted to write back to this individual and tell them that I, too, get irked – about ridiculous comments!

Good to know that I hit the nail on the top, and there are no side effects. Probably would have been some side effects if I hit the nail on the bottom, injury perhaps, or maybe the nail would simply have not made its point. Heh.

And, last, obviously some people just can’t “take a signal” because this is one convoluted mess!

“I discovered your weblog site on google and test just a few of your early posts. Proceed to maintain up the superb operate. I just further up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. In search of ahead to reading extra from you later on!…”

(From Amazon and Goodreads)

I’d really like to know why my posts are being “tested.” And what the hell is a “superb operate??” Oy.

Thanks for furthering up my RSS feed, but I really don’t want to know why you’re looking for a head. Maybe you need one to help you read extra?

“Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It in reality was a entertainment account it. Look advanced to more delivered agreeable from you! By the way, how could we keep in touch?”

(From reblog of Scott Southard)

Um, what? The simplest definition of “auspicious” is “prosperous” or even “hopeful.” The post to which this comment is attached is a reblog, and the topic is books written as a series. I suppose a series could be prosperous, if the books sell well. Funny thing is that *I* didn’t write this, Scott did.

Second sentence, still scratching my head – no analysis possible here. I believe, however, that the writer was entertained. Maybe.

Seems the commenter wants more “agreeable” posts from me. Or Scott. And he or she wants them delivered, to where, I have no idea.

“How could we keep in touch?” Seriously?? Your short post gave me a headache, I cannot imagine further correspondence without pulling out my hair and banging my head on the desk!

The biggest question is WHY?? WHY do people do this? What is the point? Are they hoping someone will foolishly click on a link in their comments and – what? Buy something? Fall for something? Get a virus?

Me, I just laugh. Sure, it’s aggravating, but mostly it’s funny. Of course, all too often I can read social media posts or even manuscript submissions with not-quite-as-bad prose. Not.Quite. And those are from US, English-speaking writers!

So here’s a solution: hop on over to SoWrite.Us and enter the SPAM contest! Let’s see how creative you can be – as for me, I’ll stay entertained reading what comes across my blog and in my spam filter. I couldn’t possibly top these!