You know how people sometimes think about who they’ll see in heaven, or what they’d like to ask or learn about? I want to have a sit-down discussion with Eve.

Yep, of all the choices, all the great, learned minds, all the famous and infamous folks who may or may not be there when I arrive – I choose Eve.

The first woman in the world, the one who was so anxious to be wise and to acquire knowledge. I feel quite sure that she and I have a lot in common, probably she’s slightly impatient and, I imagine, quite fond of contemplation. After all, since she was alone with Adam and he quite probably either ignored her or forgot anything she said, she likely had lots of time to think about things.

Too bad she couldn’t have done a little more thinking when it came to the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Too bad she couldn’t have been a bit more patient in wanting to learn things. Of course, back then, they lived a couple hundred years or so, so the patience issue is relative.

But back to that Tree. See, Eve was tempted by Satan, disguised as a serpent. She’d had a lot of time on her hands lately, time to think about life, the universe, and everything (just a brief eluding to Douglas Adams here); and she probably had a lot of questions. Naturally she gave in to temptation. And we all know her punishment: banishment from the Garden of Eden, pain and suffering in childbirth and motherhood, and – more than likely – all the messy stuff that accompanies womanhood.

And she passed that all along to all women.

Now seriously – wasn’t banishment from Eden enough punishment? I understand it was a wonderful place, a place anyone would have their real estate agent check out. Beautiful trees and flowers, cute, furry animals, probably waterfalls and pools and – I’m sure – perfect 75-degree, sunny weather. Did God really have to throw in all that woman/childbirth/suffering stuff as well?

Yes, I trust God and I know He has a plan. But still. For about 40 years, or half a lifetime, a woman must suffer headaches, cramps, grouchiness, clumsiness, sleeplessness, messiness, etc., ad finitum. Is this really fair? And of course, you can throw in embarrassment and tension, because when all that starts it’s so highly unpredictable – and when it’s coming to an end as well. Misery, thou are woman, indeed!

So, first I want to ask Eve what the heck she was thinking, even though I’m pretty sure I know; then I want to ask God a few questions, you know, about fairness and all. Of course, I have a lot more questions for God Himself. Then again, if, when we get to heaven, we are bestowed with all knowledge, from all time, it won’t be necessary to ask – I’ll already know. Unlike Eve, apparently, I’m not in that big a hurry, I can wait a bit longer.

You know, I really think that Eve was trying to get Adam to stand up and take charge; instead, he went along with her decision and blamed her when things went south. Typical. So Adam really was the progenitor of all males. It doesn’t take science to figure this out this one. I guess men’s punishment is living with us during PMS. Tee hee!

You might be asking, “What the heck is this?” For those who would like a definition, or may have simply forgotten because it’s so rare these days, this blog is for you.

“Customer service” means that the customer is always right. This does not mean that all unreasonable demands are met, but that, if there is no real reason not to acquiesce, the customer wins the argument.

For example, if store “policy” is to do exchanges only, no refunds, will it really harm anything if a $5 charge is returned to a customer? Of course not. Most likely, the customer will return and spend far more than that.

Is it really necessary to obtain a customer’s phone number, address, ID number, and so forth to process a return or exchange? Again, no.

Oh, corporations and even mom-and-pop places will give you some marlarkey-filled explanation, but what it boils down to is that these things interfere with the bookkeeping. And someone has to fix that. And most people are too darn lazy to go out of their way.

Here’s another issue: the telephone. If the phone is ringing, answer the darn thing! If you’re busy with another customer, pause, answer, ask the caller if they mind holding – and wait for an answer.

Who should receive the clerk’s attention, a caller, or an individual who has taken the time to personally come in to the business, checkbook in hand?

This seems like a no-brainer, but what inspired my blog today was the service received at an auto repair shop:

I walked in the door at 11:10, checkbook in hand. An invisible employee was on the phone, another walked in and out, and a third was in the first office also talking on the phone. Something about JimBob driving into a ditch last week; sounded personal to me, as the employee went on and on about JimBob’s family, friends, and the state of his health.

Finally the JimBob-guy said: “Be with you in a minute!” Then the phone started ringing. He took the call, and tried to play 20 Questions with the individual on the other end of the line.

The time was now 11:20. I was still waiting, with my checkbook, to write a check for a rather large amount. The guy finally came out to the desk and ran my ticket, collected my money, and I was on my way.

Oh, and he hummed. The whole time. Just mindless humming. In between answering a couple questions about my service. The transaction only took about five minutes, but it cost me twenty minutes because Leroy here thought that his time was more important than mine.

Ever try to keep from becoming deathly bored at an auto repair place? There is NOTHING to read, nothing to look at, and nothing you’d want to sit down it (let alone touch).

And this place has been in business for years and years. Amazing. Perhaps they, too, have forgotten customer service.